Reaching for a bowl in my cupboard last week, the precarious pottery tower tipped over and, before I could catch it, one of Gail’s celadon green bowls tumbled to the ground and broke. It’s design of black leaves now lay in several pieces on the ground.
I gasped, “Oh no, oh no, not one of Gail’s bowls.” (Gail being the cousin by marriage I’d grown to love who passed away almost 10 years ago.) She was a potter and my cupboards and table tops are full of her creations – large bowls, soup bowls, mugs, dinner plates and one small green bowl, my favorite.
Carefully picking up the 4 shards, I see that it can be glued back together and a photo of a Japanese pottery bowl where the cracks had been filled in, like veins with gold, crosses my mind.
In fifteenth century Japan, a shogun damaged a precious Chinese bowl, causing cracks to splinter across the small vessel. Fearful of the cracks growing, the shogun took the bowl to a craftsman and asked him to repair it in such a way that it would become more valuable than before. The craftsman filled the cracks with lacquer resin sprinkled with powdered gold. Called kintsugi, “golden joinery” in English translation, the technique became highly desired. More than just a means of repair, kintsugi promotes a hopeful philosophy; unexpected damage can be an opportunity.
We all have the power to transmute and heal our pain and fill all our cracks with gold., go through the flames and like the phoenix rise from the ashes. It doesn’t matter so much what is happening as does our ability to look for the gift even if we can’t see it yet.
When a friend handed me Elizabeth Lesser’s book, Broken Open, How Difficult Times Help Us Grow, I was going through a rough time and the book affirmed the growth potential of heartbreak. I try to affirm the same growth potential for the people who come to see me whether they are suffering from PTSD, a recent loss, a break-up, a difficult situation at work or at home or inner turmoil. We often start by blaming others for the way we feeling and how things are and/or we blame ourselves. Either way we are victims and are powerless.
It’s when we take responsibility for our side of the street that the gift appears; the silver lining is revealed, the lesson is learned and we can cut the cord and move on – lighter, freer and profoundly grateful for something that we initially experienced as ‘bad” and tried to push away.
How many times have you heard people say that the illness or the business collapse, the loss or otherwise unwelcome event or experience had turned into a blessing in disguise – had revealed something of great importance – had changed their lives for the better.
Cracks in the surface of the earth indicate the shifting of tectonic plates – earth changes, foundational movement that leaves the world different. The same phenomena goes on within each of us, especially during difficult times when solid ground suddenly shakes and quake, our lives are turned upside down leaving cracks in our surface where we spill out and get to look inside when the dust settles.
Dropping a bowl led me to kintsugi, got me thinking about unexpected damage and opportunity and about my work and how, broken open, people have a lot in common with cracked bowels emerging more valuable than before from the repair shop of life, the cracks filled in with gold.
Leonard Cohen said the cracks are how the light gets in and I read a law of attraction blog the other day which recommended leaving the door ajar and a window cracked to keep the channels open and make room for not only light but miracles. I saved the shards. Either I’ll glue them back together or one day I really will make that garden table out of all my broken bits of pottery.
A few week’s ago I found myself looking through my rarely opened jewelry box for a pair of silver earnings to go with the silver necklace that I had, much to my surprise, decided to wear with my silvery gray skirt and charcoal camesol. In addition to matching earrings I came across a couple of silver bangles that had belonged to my mother and as I slid them on my wrist I gave them a shake just to hear them jangle. Looking at myself it the mirror I liked what I saw and had to laugh when I thought – OMG – I am turning into someone else – from someone who sports little or no adornment except for my always gold shell earrings – into someone who accessorizes.
It was intriguing to be behold my metamorphosis, arisen seemingly out of the blue. It’s not like I’d decided it was time to wear jewelry. I just woke up that morning and voila – like Imogine, a character in a favorite children’s book who woke up one day and found that she had antlers. Not quite the same thing because she couldn’t take her’s off and it was hard to get through doorways – but the fact that I even thought of Imogene confirmed that something in me is changing and one of the ways it is showing is in my new found accessorizing. I have since unearthed my pearls and pearl earrings and have been wearing matching jewelry more often than not. It makes me feel as my mother would say, ‘put together’ and having often admired other’s who wear beautiful necklaces and matching earrings and bracelets – I am becoming what I admire.
So it’s not surprising that Halloween got me thinking about shape shifting, costumes, dress up and the fun people have turning themselves into something or someone else –liberated from the suit and tie or the usual uniform that, if the costume is really good and includes a mask –will mean no one will even no who you are and you get to try on not only new looks but new personas, ways of walking, talking, flying and slithering, sliding, gliding – wand or sword in hand and perhaps sporting a crown or, my favorite wings.
I loved Halloween it as a kid because I got to dress up as a princess, a mermaid and as Little Miss Muffet and ,in a posse rang every doorbell in the 15 story building I grew up in. When I got older, I trick or treated in even bigger apartment buildings, hauling home bags and bags of candy and apples and the occasional nickel (this way a long time ago).
I loved making costumes for my daughter and walking her around east end condos where trick or treaters were welcome but, as an adult, I haven’t been so big on costumes. Considering that I’m turning into someone who accessorizes I am taking a fresh look at the dress-up part of Halloween and see a great coaching exercise and transformational tool not to mention a lot of fun.
Clark Kent knew the power of the cape and that all is took was ducking into a phone booth to turn into Superman. Royalty dons bejeweled crowns, the priesthood collars and mitres and an engagement ring indicates a change in inner and outer status and all you have to do is pick up a copy of a woman’s magazine and look at the make-over section to see people transformed from ordinary, uninspired, everyday even frumpy to extraordinary, glamorous, special occasion, stylish.
Sustainable change may be an inside job but costume change, as any actor knows is a powerful approach to gaining access to a way of being and seeing and being seen anew. Halloween and costumes in general allow the average person to bring dramatic expression into everyday life. Even deeper than that, it provides an opportunity to express aspects of personality that might otherwise remain dormant and we get a chance to “act out” parts of ourselves that we normally keep private or haven’t yet explored.
I’ll save my wings for special occasions but the pearls are glowing and calling my name and I hope you’ll be inspired to use dress up as your own personal transformation exercise. Have fun.
The day after my birthday, a friend sent me a belated birthday wish on FaceBook: ‘Everyday is a birth day if you live it right,”‘ which what I’d been thinking, so, before my niece made the suggestion to follow Uncle Bill’s advice and stretch the BirthDAY celebration into an ongoing BirthMONTH celebration– I’d already realized that the way things flowed on my birthday was the way I’d like the to flow everyday and,. since I didn’t “Do” anything that special on my birthday – I figured I might be able to pull it off. I created a challenge like the 21 day meditation challenges that have recently enhanced my life: every morning I renew my intention to celebrate the fact that I was born, that I am alive, that the world is my classroom and playground and there’s a big party going on to delight and gift me over and over and over again.
My intention includes operating from a place of innocence, playfulness and celebration of whatever I am doing and when I realize that I have strayed into other neighborhoods, my intention is to catch a safari and return to the party.
Had I spent my birthday drinking mimosas and margarittas and eating lots of chocolate cake, the morning after might have made me rethink my challenge but since I spent the day doing ordinary kinds of things that, because I was feeling like a kid on her birthday, seemed especially wonderful, I figured I could pull it off.
On my birthday itself, I was warmed by the many birthday greetings I got on Facebook from people I know and from people I don’t really know and I tuned into all the loving energy coming my way through cyberspace from all over the world , feeling my own energy buzzing in response. I watched an amazing video about forgiveness and adopting a broader vision of life.
I felt light and inspired as I headed out to the dentist to have my teeth cleaned, not perhaps a first choice on the birthday list but I figured why not have sparkling choppers on this special day and beside, I love hearing about my hygenist’s holidays while my mouth is otherwise occupied.
I took my clean teeth to Zora’s sandal shop where the celebration continued and I exchanged gifts with one of my birthday families while drooling over their new line of flowered sandals. I had an appointment with a telephone psychic, stopped by a friend’s house for a late afternoon dip in the pool and, moving right along headed out East for Ananda Niyalam’s weekly satsang (gathering for truth) where we sang and meditated and did a powerful exercise to rid ourselves of the bad memories and painful emotions that we store in the data banks of our sub-conscious.
Many birthday blessings and hugs later and, feeling bathed in the sweet light of love and community, I headed to a club to drop off a friend’s sound equipment which turned into a surprise late night birthday dinner which was perfect because we were hungry. By the time I made it back to my end of the island, dropped off my friend and crawled into bed – I was full – of food and love and gratitude and birthday wellbeing.
Honoring my challenge I have indeed been setting an intention each morning to celebrate my life as though every day were my birthday –asking that the lessons and gifts of each day be revealed me to – gift wrapped in rainbows or naked as they come. And so far so good – on the day after my b’day you’d have found me basking in steel pan music at the beach and enjoying a b’day glass of champagne and dinner with a friend. The party continued with a pizza party today and a fete at the French club with mes amis francais and tomorrow I’m celebrating with my soul sistah goddesses, going boating and, in a few weeks, partying with my beach ladies and I guess the real point is that even as the actual date fades into the past not to let the energy fade with it.
Join me at the Madhatter’s Tea Party where Alice and the Wonderland gang are perpetually celebrating their un-birthdays and singing:
A very merry un-birthday To me To who? To me Oh, you A very merry un-birthday To …. Now blow the candle out, my dear And make your wish come true A very merry un-birthday to you
As Tweedledum explained to Alice there are 364 unbirthdays – opportunities to receive (and give) un-birthday presents, eat un-birthday cakes and make wishes so Happy birthday or a Happy un-birthday.
Here’s to a day full of celebration, eager anticipation and delightful surprises.
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There’s nothing like a morning at the Department of Motor Vehicles to gauge how you’re doing and, thanks to my tool kit of spiritual practices, my curiosity, love of people and sense of humor – I not only passed with flying colors but have a tale worth telling.
Since I am not really in a position to support two cars, I advertised my beloved jeep on Craig’s list and went with the first offer of my bottom line. After a few calls back and forth during which the buyers were clearly frustrated with how things work here, I arranged to meet them at the DMV at 8 in the morning.
Since they were an hour late, it was lucky that I brought the perfect book: Heal Thy Self: Lessons on Mindfulness in Medicine by Saki Santorelli– an account of a 6 week mindfulness meditation class. The hour passed quickly, thanks not only to the book but to the collection of local talent that gathered to deal with their cars. As usual, there was a star – this time a witty complainer who kept everyone entertained with bets on when the territorial court lady would show up (9:20) and on how things in the territory were going to hell in a hand basket and much more. In between listening, I looked around at the people on line, the people coming and going and it was an amazing sight to behold. Some were clearly disgruntled, in a rush and, expecting an ordeal, nodded in agreement at the entertainer’s complaints. Others were calm, collected and like the tall, very buff, handsome man who caught my eye, exuded well being, patience, good humor and equanimity.
Most people came through the door, found their lines and took their places, muttering good morning under their breath. Others, like the young woman, who book in hand, said good morning in a warm, friendly voice, lit up the whole room as did the joker who said a loud bi-lingual Morning,morning, Buen Dias and cracked jokes that had everyone in stitches.
My buyers showed up and at every step of the process dug in their heels. When I suggested using my insurance company, right across the road, they told me they’d decided to use a company in Red Hook and relented only when they realized that it would add another couple of hours to their day (and mine) to traverse the island and return to the DMV. There was a lot of door slamming, going outside to smoke cigarettes, whispered conferences between them and what felt like a toxic energy spill that I side stepped by deciding to keep my mouth shut, by moving to another seat and by practicing what the book I was reading reminded me about being non-judgmental and present to all and everything – to good the bad and the ugly.
I actually had a pretty good old time. I ran into several people I hadn’t seen in ages, handed out my business cards, found out that a friend is leaving island and selling his house – information that I shared with a friend looking to buy a house and I set up a date with a former neighbor.
It was crystal clear that how people fared had little to do with the DMV and everything to do with them. Looking up from my book about a class in mindfulness, I realized that I was in a class that that had just shifted it’s location to the DMV where I was really trying to encounter everything through the lens of mindfulness and to decide anew each and every minute to abstain from the long held reactive habits that wanted to label these people, judge them, dislike them, get angry and go off and to decide anew each minute to open and soften my heart, to feel compassion for this couple who were struggling with being new to the island and with god only knows what else. I knew I didn’t want to engage or be in the midst of their toxic spill but clicking into mindfulness mode I was free of the anger and judgment that would have been my toxic spill and it fell so different and so good that I wanted to share it with you.
For the past week I’ve been listening (as my daughter used to say, 24/7) to a CD called the Infinite Field by the beautiful, talented Pru Clearwater who is visiting from Nashville. Her bell like voice and soothing arrangements are like mantras and the words to the one that came to my mind in that most unlikely of places the DMV are, repeated over and over mantra style: The world is a beautiful place, the world is a beautiful place, the world is a beautiful place, I see beautiful things, I hear beautiful things, I find beautiful things sung over and over and over again – Amen, Aho, It is so.
Click on the link below to listen to Beautiful World by Pru Clearwater – a great thing to download and listen to at the DMV or anywhere.
Green Light Living – Avenue B and 10th Street, NYC
Growing up in Manhattan, I walked a lot and perfected my own fluid way of getting from one place to another with the least possible delay – a way I’m calling Green Light Living. En route to my destination I’d stop briefly at each corner in that grid like part of New York and cross which ever way the light was green. I zigzagged my way through the city, like tacking under sail, going with the wind, following the beckoning green light path of least resistance.
Acutely aware lately that I get to choose whether to follow the green light (path of least resistance) or stop at the red light, I’ve been taking more opportunities to choose out of the hundreds that present themselves each day.
Sometimes, lost in mindless meandering I am jolted awake by the honk of the horn behind me or, waiting forever, finally notice the light that keeps flashing green to my right, or decide to risk the route I’ve never taken to bypass a construction delay.
I was grumbling to myself, looking at the money-in-money-out figures of my life. Disappointed at how one stream of income was showing up this month I could feel myself getting anxious and tense. When a phone call the next day resulted in a new client I thought, change direction, be flexible, as Tavis Smiley says “Keep the faith” – Green Light.
In Green light living every juncture is a opportunity to choose: who to be, what to think, what to do, whether to wait for the light to change or go with the green, choose love or fear?
Halfway to Magen’s for my morning paddle I realized that I didn’t have my paddle because I’d loaned it to my daughter. Bummed, I almost turned around but for meeting a friend. I decided I’d second choice walk instead. Once at the beach I looked over at the concession and saw a stack of paddles in the open shed. Figuring they wouldn’t mind I borrowed one and off I went to do what I really wanted to do and said good morning to my turtle friends. Green light.
I needed a truck to move furniture to my house and the few calls I’d made hadn’t panned out – red light. When I mentioned my quandary to my daughter, she said that the friend who was drinking my mango smoothie at that very moment had a truck. Green Light
Living green starts in the heart chakra whose color is green and when you’re living green – it’s as though the red carpet is being rolled out in front of you. The first traffic light system is an inner one – red lined up with caution and fear and green with go ahead and love. When we get the go ahead from our hearts we are a vibrational match for heart centered opportunities and for things flowing, easy peasey, meant to be, sometimes what we pictured and often surprising us. When we are lined up inside and out, I like to think we pulsate green like ET. We ARE home.
Green light living is not just about the big stuff because the big stuff is made up of lots of little stuff. Each time we question our thoughts, check in with ourselves, get clear about what we are feeling and needing, refocus, set an intention, choose love over fear, we are in a better position to choose wisely, roll out more red carpet and reap the promises of joyful deliberate creation.
Here’s my invitation: Let’s Live a Green Light kind of life, wending our way across the universe, enjoying the journey, cushioned by the red carpet of least resistance and taking our cue from the green lights in our hearts.