The Season of the Open Heart by Anne Nayer, msw, Coach Paradise

Well, Valentine’s Day is here, the candy hearts are out in force and florists are enjoying one of their busiest times of year as I am getting ready for my annual Valentine’s day ritual and once again thinking that celebrating love in all its shapes and forms shouldn’t just be reserved for Feb. 14th, but should ooze on into the rest of our days and lives 365.

Last year I had a Valentine. This year I don’t and I know that Feb. 14th can be a stressful day for people who don’t have a significant other, for those who are in relationships that are difficult and painful and for those who have lost loves and are in mourning. It’s hard to see the vendors with their tables bursting with balloons, stuffed animals and baskets and feel like you have no one special in your life.

Here is my antidote to the Valentine Day Blues whatever your relationship status. Whenever Valentine’s day rolls around, I always remember my dear friend Nancy and her request to me on Valentine’s day twelve years ago. Gravely ill and in Florida for medical treatment while her two young sons remained in St. Thomas with their father, she asked me to go to Roses Too to get a dozen roses to distribute to her kids’ teachers and the people who had been so kind to them throughout her illness.

I set out with my then 9 year old daughter. We bought not 1 but 2 dozen roses, ribbon and baby’s breath and made 24 bouquets. We spent the day delivering long stemmed roses to the people on Nancy’s list and to many other people who crossed our paths: the young sailor who needed a gift for his sweetheart, an elderly woman whose eye’s lit up as she inhaled the bloom’s sweet perfume, random strangers and unsuspecting friends. It was so much fun to see people glow in the magic of this small gesture and to have been the cause of it. We performed random acts of love throughout the day and received love each and every time we handed a flower to someone.

Last year, two dozen roses filled my car as I set out. I began with my accountant who said it was her first valentine of the day and promptly put it in a vase on her desk. Next was my favorite newspaper lady at the Frenchtown post office, the two lovely ladies who run Flagship marina, my friend Carrie at the Yacht chandlery, Nancy at the Dockside bookstore.  I stopped by the family and maternal health clinic looking for my mid-wife friend. Since she was out to lunch I left a rose on her desk with a love note and I put one on my friends’ steering wheel in the Antilles parking lot. I gave one to a steel pan player who was delighted to have something to give his lady friend later and the long stemmed ladies at the bar at Secret harbor were all smiles at being handed their floral counterparts. I had a blast. I felt like the tooth fairy or should I say the rose fairy. Once again it was one of my best Valentine’s Day’s ever. I spent the day spreading the love which, romantic leading man or not, is the best way I know to ensure that I too am bathed in an abundance of love in all ways, shapes and sizes not the least of which is the smile on each person’s face, the delight, the gratitude, the pure magic.

My tradition has been to spread the love in the form of roses but roses can be pricey and it could be candy hearts, a selection from your box of chocolates (have a heart) or cupcakes, heart shaped rocks, store bought or home made cards. It could be an email blast to friends far and wide, a song. It can be face to face where you get to see the delight up close or it can be anonymous where you get to imagine the surprise. You get to make it up, inject it with your particular preferences for symbols of affection just as long as you retain the main ingredient; You spreading the love.

Love is what makes the world go round and giving is the heart opening exercise that expands our capacity for breathing Love in and breathing love out. There is nothing better than getting caught in an energy of love loop because when you give it you receive it – not always from the same source not always in exactly the way you had in mind – but the boomerang effect guarantees that the love you give is equal to the love you receive so if you, like me are a sucker for love, make a plan, catch the love boat and get on board. Make everyday a Be Mine, I love you kind of Valentine’s Day.