Now that I realize Plan B is the new Plan A , I’m more flexible and open.  I’m getting better at recognizing and embracing the shape of the emerging Plan B.  I see that it contains hidden treasures I’d never thought of.  As I Loosen my grip, it’s so much easier to maintain inner peace, curiosity and enjoy life – no matter what’s going on (and a lot’s been going on!).

Our Plan A had been to sail the yacht Bel Ami to Grenada for the rest of hurricane season.  When my sweetie had surprise open heart surgery, that plan ended up on the rocks. I’ve been sitting on the boat, watching the inscrutable sea as is it were one of those black kid’s toy eight balls where you ask a question, shake the ball and wait for the answer to float to the surface from the depths. Yes, No, Perhaps.

As the shape of plan B begins to emerge, I notice that when things are easy it feels like a green light giving me the go ahead, so I’ve started playing the Red Light Green Light game. I’m  taking my cues from the ease at which my efforts are met by the world. When I’m on the right track things go well – I’m driving on a wide avenue where the green lights are staggered and I can just keep on going if I pace it right.  If I’m not on the right track, things are difficult or downright impossible, it’s Red Light time – Stop.

I Wanted to head out west to help my guy heal so I started looking at travel sites. I  quickly found a stunningly inexpensive round trip ticket to Chicago. Green Light. The only problem was that the flight landed  at midnight. I wrote to my only friend in Chicago to see if she could pick me up – a long shot I thought, so when she called me right back to say she gets off work at 11 so yes to the pick up and place to stay and, on top of that, she can drive me to Madison the next day. Green light, Green light, jump up and down green light. As if that weren’t enough encouragement, I heard from a college friend that she’s now living in Madison and is excited that we might get to hang out. Bonus Green Light. Keep on going, pass go, collect $200 – I’m starting to have way too much fun.

The same staggered green light scenario continued as I made plans for securing the boat, Bel Ami. I found people to help me now and while we’re away. Things just felt easy each step of the way. Even as I’ve caught myself imagining red lights and obstacles, the truth is that I’ve been bowled over by the ease of the journey and very curious about how you know you’re on the right path: doors open, people call you back, tickets are cheap and its as though the red carpet is being rolled out in front of you.

I’ve now changed direction and am riding the waves, free of the undertow of negative (red light) thinking and much to my delight, green lights are illuminating the way.

When a problem arises we’re prone to reason and weigh and measure as we try to figure it out and make things happen the way we want. We run Red Lights. get frustrated and get ourselves into all kinds of trouble. We do it all the time – in situations that are small potatoes and in big stake issues. We don’t pay attention to the lights – first of all our inner lights  (our most amazing inner guidance system which is constantly offering up gut feelings, hunches and intuitions), and the outer lights – the feed-back we get from the world.

I’m playing the Red Light, Green Light Game in all my affairs, big and small and I’m suggesting that you try it out too. When you aren’t sure what to do Stop, Breathe and Check the Lights – both inner and outer.  See if they are green or red and proceed accordingly. When we quiet our inner chatter, quiet the outer voices telling what we should and shouldn’t be doing – the lights are clear signposts.

Growing up in Manhattan I often walked for miles. When I’d come to a corner and find a red light, I’d either stop and take a break or cross where the light was  green.  I wove my way, catty corner through the city to my destination, creating my own avenue of staggered green lights – which is what I am doing now every day in my life here and where ever I find myself. I’m calling it Green Living.

Wishing you a green light kind of life.  May you head in directions where doors open, red carpets are rolled out and the world is your oyster.  See you at the corner.

Sitting in the Barefoot Buddah enjoying a kale smoothie, reading some spiritual sayings and recipes for life I came across these two lines.

1. Life is about how you handle plan B
2. Happiness is an inside job.

You’ll understand better why these lines spoke to me when I share how my plans (Plan A) changed overnight and why I am still plugged into the happy channel.

The past few months have been geared toward getting ready to sail to Grenada with my romantic leading man, David, on the yacht Bel Ami. We had a 10 day charter booked at the beginning of August and planned on keeping the boat out of the hurricane belt and returning in November. I’ve been cleaning out (as you could have guessed if you’ve heard my previous shows about getting my books to fit my shelves and lightening my load).  I found a wonderful couple to live in my cottages and take care of my beloved poodles. I was prepared for take off. I even had a going away party last Sunday. My captain went to Wisconsin for a brief trip for work and family and Plan A was to shove off yesterday when he was to have returned – weather permitting.

I’ll cut to the chase and tell you what happened: I moved onto the boat and Dave left for Wisconsin. Three days into his trip he had some chest discomfort and went for a stress test. One week later, he had  coronary bypass surgery, lived to tell the tale and is now recovering in an ICU in Wisconsin (surrounded by family and friends). We are not going to Grenada. I am not leaving – except perhaps to visit him. I now live on a boat. My land home is happily occupied and my poodles are fine.  My daughter is fending for herself.

When friends ask how I am doing, I reply that I miss Dave and wish I were with him but that I feel pretty OK. I have been noticing for a while now that my default settings have changed. I seem to have reprogrammed my thoughts to reflect a more upbeat, positive, energy soothing perspective on things right off the bat. The negative, fearful tapes play, but later and on a much muted channel. Despite the sudden scary diagnosis and treatment, I know that all is well. I believe that Dave will recover and that we will go on to enjoy wonderful times together. I know that as I allow the wind to blow my boat around (me around) my plan B will come into focus. No rushing required.

I share all of this as my testimony to the fact that practicing new habits of thought and working on your body, mind and spirit produces life changing results that make life easier, more fun, deeper and more full of love.

Imagine if you knew that you could maintain/regain your balance and inner joy no matter what was going on in your life – thereby changing your life?

I am here to tell you that if I can, you can. What you focus on expands. As I focus on Dave’s well-being, the amazing timing of everything, the loving energy that has poured his way and mine – it grows, fills me up and helps Dave to heal. He is doing well. I am doing well. The fear tapes that are running in the background that are faint – trumped in a heartbeat by joy and the knowledge that happiness is always an inside job.

So whether today is a plan A Day or one where the fall backs. the improvisations and serendipity of life keep things interesting and where things don’t always work out as planned, what are you going to do?  How do you handle Plan B?

It’s as easy as clicking the remote, turning on a light or opening the curtains. Anyone can do it with instant results. It’s the Super Power of appreciation in action.

I was in the pharmacy filling a prescription and chatting with the pharmacist about my upcoming trip. She wanted to know where I was going and what I do here on St. Thomas. I told her I was Coach Paradise, a Life Coach and she said, “Oh that’s you! I listen to you on WSTA every Saturday and I love you. ” I beamed, pleased to meet one of my anonymous listeners and get such positive feed-back.

Filled with the light of appreciation, I thanked her and turned the spotlight right back at her: ” I’ve got to tell you what an amazing difference you make. You are so helpful, so warm, so friendly.” It was her turn to beam.

We were both feeling pretty good and our little lights had grown visibly more golden, catching passerby in their rays and
I was on a roll. At my next stop – I told my medical practitioner that I’d been seeing her around and meaning to tell her how great she was looking. She beamed and filled me in.

When people compliment us and point out what they like, we see it too. When we do the same for others, they stand taller as they consider the truth of the compliment. If they own it – even a little – their lights start to glow and grow and it is a wonderful thing to behold.

I’ve been on bank lines standing in front (or behind) people with sour pusses until I mention that I love their earrings. I love watching them reach up, touch the earrings and say, “oh yes, thank you my husband gave these to me.” It’s as though they’re seeing themselves for the first time, as in a mirror and they like what they see. There’s a softening.

When was the last time anyone thanked you for doing the laundry or taking out the garbage. When was the last time you told someone how grateful you are that they are a part of your life or what you love about them.

Where ever you are right now, look around, find something to appreciate and speak your appreciation out-loud (for the view, the person, the song on the radio…)

Notice how you feel. Notice how the one appreciated changes. Rinse. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat throughout the week. I’ve found that the act of appreciation opens up a loop like channel that just keeps on giving. The more I notice all there is to appreciate and take a minute to give thanks the more my life overflows with things to appreciate.

Have you ever felt like you’ve won the lottery just driving around and thinking about your life enjoying the scenery here in paradise?

Raindrops keep falling on our heads here in the Virgin Islands. Buckets of water are cleaning the world, turning the hillsides green with foliage and my walls  green with mold. The guts are raging rivers and everywhere I look,  water is making its inevitable way to the sea.

As I follow the water coming down from the hills I notice how it turns where the grade goes down and the slope is just right, how it builds up and moves around a wall or seeps under a rock.   While it doesn’t always go the way I’d have predicted, I know that  each rivulet is finding its unique route and that it’s always the one that’s easiest and most direct.  One stream merges with another or disappears into the bush only to emerge further down swollen with reinforcements, flush with the knowledge of where its going and confident that it’ll get there by any means possible.

When the bridge at Magen’s Bay washed out last year, the force of the water created a channel over the road, through the mangroves and into the Bay turning the turqouise water brown.  There was no stopping it.

Things build up in our lives.  We are flooded by to-do lists, feelings, worries and obligations.  Taking my cue from the watery lines criss-crossing our island, I’m choosing the path of least resistance and enjoying a down hill journey.  The more we honor our natural inclinations, allow ourselves to move freely and relieve undue pressure with outlets for pent-up energy (people to talk to, journaling, exercise, meditation and prayer, creative ventures, regular check-ups and check-ins), the steadier we flow.   Trapped water will find a way and our own individual natures are no different.

Whether raging, trickling, meandering or streaming steadily, make like water, relax and head for the source.  I’ll meet you there.

In the spirit of Mothers’ Day, I’d like to share a story that a coaching colleague told me. It contains a powerful message and a call to action that touched my heart.

It’s about a woman for whom things were going really well. Her life was changing in delightful ways that included love, adventure, friendship, beautiful places and much, much more. She was grateful for all her blessings and good fortune.

You know how, when things are going really well, there can be some aspect of life – a chronic work situation, a relationship, a health issue, a financial blind spot – that keeps cropping up to remind us that schools not out yet, there are lessons to be learned and that life is an unending opportunity to grow in wisdom and in love?

Well, this was what was happening for her and it had to do with her relationship with her daughter. She described the relationship as full of strain, poor communication and resentment on both sides. During coaching, as she spoke of this relationship, her relationship with her own mother kept coming up. She described that relationship as strained, with poor communication and resentments. She could summon up feelings of anger at her mother more than 10 years after her death at the age of 91.

She started to see that she was doing some of the same things that her mother did that had made her feel bad, judged and ‘not good enough’. She said, “Oh my God, I don’t want to do that to my daughter and I think I am.”

It was as though a light bulb went off in her head and heart. She heard an inner voice say, very clearly, that forgiving her mother and healing that relationship would change her relationship with her daughter. She heard the words, “Look in the mirror. Stop complaining about how bad things are and blaming everyone else. Look in the mirror.”

She looked in the mirror and she saw herself. Coaching had helped her appreciate her good aspects more and more but she gasped at other things she saw and wanted to make some changes. Her first step in this process was finding a way to forgive her mother. Later she moved on to forgiving her daughter, herself and others and she spoke of the wonderful ripple effect it had had in her life.

In the way the universe has of lining things up just when you need them, she’d run into a friend who shared a forgiveness exercise that had changed her life.

Here’s the simple exercise/prayer that she shared. I have to admit that I’ve been doing it myself and I like how I feel when I saying it. Like the woman in the story, I know that as I’m saying it I am healing those difficult relationships that contain my most powerful lessons.

This is how is goes. You pick the person you most need to forgive and say, preferably out loud:

Namaste ______name______
The spirit in me honors the spirit in you.

Forgive me   ______________
I forgive you______________
I love you      ______________
Thank you    _______________

When I do it, I feel like some frozen part of my hearts starts to break up like northern rivers do in the spring. After a long winter of thick ice, the river ‘goes out’, making a thunderous, underground noise as the ice cracks and moves downstream, melting along the way until the river flows freely to the sea.

If there’s someone in your life, past or present, living or dead, who still bugs you and arouses anger or resentment (whether it’s your mother, yourself or someone else), give this a try. It’s simple, easy, short and very powerful.

Forgiveness is not forgetting. It’s remembering something else.