I’ve been having a hard time staying positive lately, and it’s gotten me thinking. How do you stay positive when you feel sad and bad in your heart, in your mind or in your body?
I’ve been struggling with running over my own beloved miniature poodle Ginger as she hid under my car (she lived and recovers). Then I got an allergy attack only to wake up the next day stuffed up with congested lungs and, low energy. That derailed my plans and stopped the hum of the momentum I’d been smiling about. Not to mention worry about Ginger’s recovery and future and worry about my lungs. .
I know, as only a Law of Attraction Coach can know, about the many law of attraction processes and tools available to help me feel better and soothe my energy. I know that feeling better leads to feeling better. Even when it’s an effort to find something, ANYTHING positive about a situation – finding it is worth its weight in gold – it’s alchemy – transformational.
I have to gush about my vet. He saved Ginger’s life. He was there; he diagnosed her quickly and sprung into action. But what he also did was he always had something positive to say – even when the situation was critical. He didn’t hold out false promises but started with the good. The day after the accident he said, “The good thing is that she’s made it through the night.” And each time I called he pointed out some bit of progress. His focus helped me focus on the good and it was exponential. When someone asks me how Ginger is doing I start, “ she’s limping and I can’t believe what I did…” and then refocus and say “She’s getting better every day – walking around, eating regularly, barking…” and notice how much better I feel when I focus on her truly miraculous progress.
I do the same thing with myself. I despair that I have been sick more this winter than ever and am mad that I’m not feeling good again. Then I think, “Wow you’re lungs are healing –walking Roxy felt good today and it didn’t yesterday.” I feel better right then and there.
If I can’t find a silver lining or if my positive spin sounds nauseating, even to me – I find something that makes me feel better – today it was on-line photos of baby dwarf hedgehogs. Rainbows. Whatever floats my boat?
We don’t have to wait until we feel better to feel better. No matter how challenging it may be to cross to the sunny side of the street – the light and air are better, the living is easy and it’s a moving sidewalk – always new and different and you can hop on and off when ever you want.
Resistance has been on my mind – that feeling of pushing against, struggling with, locking horns with some person, place or thing. It’s the feeling that even though I’m doing everything I can to get what and where I want , things keeping getting in my way so I can’t proceed smoothly or quickly.
Sigmund Freud – father of modern psychology described resistance as an inner stance protecting memories so disturbing the we create a psychic armor to prevent us from shining a light , dealing with and watching the resistance crumble.
When we are swimming and encounter a strong current we panic and try to swim against it back to shore. WRONG. We deplete our strength and lose energy if we confront the current head-on. We supposed to swim across it and out of its way – it does its thing and we do ours.
Maybe we live or work with people who drive us crazy in any number of ways – meaning we are in resistance. We wish they ‘d be different and believe our stories about them and how they are effecting our lives. It can be your kids, spouse or co-workers or a stranger and doesn’t it always seem that the more aggravated and judgmental we get, the more they dig in their heels?
Whatever we resist persists. Whatever we focus on expands and, when we’re resisting and struggling and complaining we are focusing on what is getting in our way and pissing us off. Our focus feeds the resistance to match our own determination to push past it. Pretty exhausting! We all do versions of the myth of Sisyphus every day, using up lots of energy in the process.
I’m all for doing things differently. I’m tired of pushing against, judging, feeling self-righteous and like a victim struggling against the current to get to shore or to town or just to a peacful place in my heart.
So…. I have started telling a new story about resistance. I LOVE RESISTANCE and I’m proclaiming it to the universe. I am grateful every day for the push and pull it sets up in such a rhythmic and musical way. Resistance is my latest favorite dance and, as a dancer from way back, I welcome the spins and twirls, the pushaways and the pullbacks. I love finding and relaxing into exactly the right dance ‘frame’ and moving gracefully. I love coming from a place where leading and being led are part of the same package.
When I think about resistance this way I start to smile and have fun. I become a superhero (Lady Wonder) and leap over resistance, trick it, allow it to spin me and even catapult me in the direction I’m going. I can walk on by – singing the song. I affirm that there is plenty of space for all kinds of energies to co-exist in love and support.
When I encounter someone and am about to but heads, I will compliment their tie pattern or shoes and melt the resistance for a moment, or I’ll spin and know that we are really one spinning dervish energy. Or I’ll get passionate and do a tango or say, “later gator, my dance card is full.”
Creating a new story about resistance is doing me good. Maybe we just created resistance as an excuse to stay safe and stuck. What if resistance doesn’t exist? What if what we call resistance and place outside of ourselves were really drag, ie all the baggage we haul behind us all the time, dragging behind us and holding us back and slowing us down? What if resistance is just a projection of our inner drag onto the outside world?
Just imagine: if we did away with the idea that anything OUT THERE is preventing us from doing anything, then what’s the big deal? Could it be us? Could we be the resistance? If we are – we’re in luck. We can change our thoughts and the way we see things – and then the world changes.
Just for today I’m going to try on this new way of seeing resistance. Next time I feel like I;m pushing up against some person, place or thing I’m going to stop, breathe and say “WANNA DANCE?”
My Coach (and yes, I do have a Coach), told me,” Nothing happens until you begin a conversation and are committed to asking, because asking is the beginning of creation.” I copied this and posted it on my fridge – central command in my cozy cottage.
She keeps telling me to have conversations with as many people as possible so they can experience the value I bring. and then to ask for what I want. She recommends asking and asking BIG and I have been doing just that with some pretty amazing results.
How often do we feel disgruntled and resentful because we don’t get what we want: the bigger piece of cake, the promotion, the prize, a day to sleep in, a hug, a chance to be, do or have something we’d really, really like? I can’t count the times I’ve been too shy, too insecure, unsure, lazy and too afraid to just put it out there and ask for what I really wanted. I can hear my mother going “Shhh- don’t ask – don’t be greedy, maybe they’ll say no. You don’t want to ask and look foolish.”
My coach is telling the truth. When I stand up and ask for what I want and ask BIG, things start happening. As I get clearer about what I want and put my request out there to the universe – the universe responds. When I ask, I am pleasantly surprised that my asking creates an opportunity for an answer. Asking gives another person the chance to say yes or no. Not asking just leaves us in perpetual want.
My Coach told me to collect No’s” – to ask as many people as possible to join my group. She told me to welcome No’s, because No’s are good things – you can’t get to Yes without them. Just think of the star basketball player who spoke of all the games he lost and baskets he missed and Thomas Edison speaking, not of failure, but of all the possibilities he eliminated in his 10,000 trials on the way to the light bulb. No’s are a big part of the equation in order to arrive at YES.
I’m stepping up to the plate and asking for what I want. I’m learning that I don’t have to be demanding, beligerant , defensive or apologetic when I ask. I’m making Ask and It Is Given my mantra. The universe may be able to read my mind but other people can’t. I figure I’m collecting No’s on the way to the big Yes. You can too! You just might end up enjoying that last biggest piece of cake.
Carnival season just ended in St. Thomas. What a great time of year. The focus is on having fun, enjoying the many carnival events, special foods and parades. Its no wonder that people are passionate about carnvial. It’s made up of magic, play, dress up, thinking big, showing off and strutting your stuff with abandon. And I do mean with abandon!
If we had Carnival year-round there’d be no time for planning, rest or sleeping it off and the overall operation of the island would suffer a big hit. I still wonder: what if we approached our daily lives with even a smidgeon of the excitement that carnival brings? What if we could be creative and replace the words work and busy with play and creatively engaged? What if we loved what we did, made a great living doing it and a contribution to something bigger than our selves – all at the same time?
Carnival gives us all permission to play and play is the basic activity of creation. Artists of all kinds know that playing and experimentation lead to magic and extraordinary results. Children approach their sandcastles and make-believe with an earnestness of people who are up to big things. Theyare so deeply engaged they don’t want to get out of the water or come in for dinner.
Keep the Carnival spirit alive in your lives all year round. Think of ways to incorporate the pure passion, the outrageous and magnificent costumes and inspired themes and songs of Carnival into your daily lives. Write your own Calypso song, choose a Carnival King or Queen name, dance down the street, dress up, hug your friends, walk on stilts and make a point of doing at least one thing to celebrate your life every single day.
What an amazing week! The Health and Wellness in the Sun Fair at Magen’s Bay was a smashing success. One of my clients described it as a giant “healing vortex”. I was so happy to have been a part of it. I spoke at the fair and had a number of people tell me that I emanated light and what I said was clear and inspired. Someone said I was a “natural.” I blushed and (secretly) lapped it up.
I’ve been working with people for over 30 years and coaching for a while and I know that I’m good – great results, rave reviews from clients and people who listen to my radio spots and read my articles. So why was it such a surprise to “realize” that I am amazing and have a lot to offer?
This dawning of an inkling of my own magnificence and power made me realize that I’ve spent most of my life (now not entirely excluded) thinking I’m less than, not good enough, OK but not stellar and on and on an on. Sound familiar? I know I don’t have a monopoly on failure to shine.
Marianne Williamson was right on when she wrote “our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us….”
Our culture discourages tooting your own horn – calls it bragging. We are encouraged to tow the line, not stand out in any flamboyant way and, nose to the grindstone. work hard. We love celebrities and dream of stardom but we are not schooled in loving ourselves and acknowledging what makes us wondrous and magnificent and truly unique.
One of the things I love about being a coach is that my life is my best raw material. My own experience of dancing and dragging my heels provide endless opportunities to acknowledge, welcome and release what holds me back and keeps me afraid and timid in my life. I get to use what goes on in my life and my commitment to being joyful to help others.
As I step into my own power and let my light shine I can see the effect that has on others. I see lights starting to go on all over the place. The people that I coach and those I reach through my words – spoken and written – become luminous. It is glorious to watch a person start a love affair with themselves and drink in the knowledge of their own divinity, their joy and their own special gifts.
I’m getting better and better at being a spark and am excited about my upcoming group: Attracting Paradise: Create Your Version of Paradise, Where Ever You Are, Starting Now! This one is a beach group and it’s a precursor to m teleclass of the same name and to so much more.
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