Now that spring cleaning has readied the fields for planting seeds, I keep tripping over gardening tips and tools. I walked away from Camp Umoja’ s composting workshop with an elegantly simple chicken wire composting bin – evidence that the seed of my desire to set up a composting system has sprouted and later on that day I happened on a local gardening show sharing information about protecting the garden from the local wildlife.
Building cages and enclosures will keep out the rats, feral chickens, iguanas and birds, flashing’s slippery surface will prevent iguanas from getting a foothold and small chicken wire and height will prevent chickens from flying over the top and rats from squeezing their way through. I smiled as I thought about calling in the National Guard and about creating signage in bright red reading “Eat Desert First”, arrow pointing away from my garden to the abundance of fallen fruit beneath the carambola tree.
But what about the pests that chatter discouraging words in our minds and erode and nibble at the dreams and aspirations trying so hard to be born? What do you do when your dreams encounter trouble at the border and you are sent back or slink on home, deflated or terrified ready to cash in your ticket and cancel the trip.
Known by many names but all related: gremlins, monkey mind, limiting beliefs, demons, the ego and the devil incarnate – these pests are savvy destroyers of the crops and orchards in our hearts and minds. Well schooled in the subtleties of appearing to be on your side they look benign, like crossing guards, and may even come with labels (like GMOs) that look deceptively like fertilizers promoting organic well-being. Their voices are familiar because they have traveled with you all your life and like ventriloquists sound like mom or pop, a familiar teacher, an authoritative spokesman for the party of your choice, a religious leader, a cultural avatar, the voice of doom –
They say things like – Who do you think you are? Why bother? Why rock the boat? You’re not good enough? Things aren’t so bad after all”, and I’m sure you have a repertoire of your own discouraging words that echo in your mind especially when you are about to launch a new chapter, take on a new project, move, enter a new relationship, take a giant step.
These invaders are no respecters of boundaries or cages and flashing won’t keep them at bay. Saying, “thanks for sharing. Take a seat,” works sometimes and remembering that energy flows where attention goes can help shift our focus but sometimes the only thing that takes the wind out of their sails is questioning them head on – looking them in the eye and asking “Is that absolutely and beyond the shadow of a doubt true?” – and finding that under the spot light of rigorous scrutiny they start trembling and wither or run screaming before dissolving into the same kind of puddle that claimed the wicked witch of the west.
Buddha discovered that it is our thoughts that cause us to suffer, Byron Katie says that questioning our thoughts is the route to freedom and unbridled joy, and Bob Marley is still singing for us to “free our minds from mental slavery.”
Dorothy learned that the Wizard of Oz was a hoax, that she had always had the power and was always only a shoe’s click away from home. We too can learn to question our thoughts and dismantle the beliefs that keep us stuck and afraid.
While I’m building enclosures to keep my seedlings safe, I’m taking down the structures that have kept my mind small and my dreams only dreams and I’m getting really excited about harvesting the truly organic produce growing in the fertile soil of my garden and of my own true nature. I look forward to introducing you to my new partner, serenading you on the violin, inviting you to my book signing party and you won’t recognize me when you see my driving by in my new car – but I’ll wave.
I’ve gotten lots of great feed-back about Spring Cleaning My Way to Never Land – last week’s post: people have shared their success stories, wishful thinking stories and esp stories as in ‘just what I’ve been up to”. Since, like most things, spring cleaning is a work in progress or, a la Peter Pan something that may occur once in a decade or a score, I’ve continued to unsubscribe and unfriend and, spurred on by a rat who has taken up residence in my cottage, I’ve torn apart and scrubbed behind immovable objects and in the depths of my closets.
I’m enjoying the more expansive view, the breathing room, the extra hangers and the newly visible tiled design on my coffee table now that the books are shelved and the file folders neatly arranged on the desk, the pens at home in the pen jar with drug store glasses hooked neatly over the side. I’ve discarded stuff and I’ve have given up a few personal habits like coffee and late night TV. Whether it’s Lent or Detoxing by any other name, the value of discernment, discipline and discarding has been more than a sermon: a personal experience of deep and abiding value.
Last week left me sitting on my deck, mop by my side and the view of the sea framed by the lush greenery of my small piece of paradise. I suddenly understood that what I’ve been doing is clearing the land and prepping my fields for planting.
Known for my green thumb I’m as much a farmer of metaphor as of acreage. I know what it takes to have several pots of micro greens sprouted and waving their tiny green heads to let me know I can expect gourmet salad in about three weeks and I also know what’s involved in planting the seeds of my desires and the specific forms of everyday joy.
Flipping through Johnny’s Organic Seed catalog, I drool over a dizzying array of seeds for fruits, vegetables and flowers and flipping through the catalog of my imagination I enter a cosmic try-on room of scenarios I’d like to be living and that I dream of for those I love and for the world. In each I select what I long to see take root and blossom in the newly cleared space of my life.
I’m turning over the soil in my garden and taking down last years vision board from the fridge – giving thanks for last years harvest and what has come to be and planting new seeds: an kind and generous man holding my hand, a violin, puppets, a woman meditating and the cover of my upcoming book titled YES. I’m adding seeds for travel, robust health not only for myself but for my loved ones and for mother earth, financial prosperity, a new car, an end to violence, an open heart, heaven on earth. My eyes are bigger than my stomach as usual but not to worry because I can always can my excess tomatoes and share my bounty which is what I like to think I am doing right here and now.
Spreading love, positive energy and enthusiasm fertilizes the soil and turns on the sprinklers these tiny seedlings need to germinate. Pushing their way through unimaginable obstacles of earth the micro greens and my dreams emerge from the lightness of metaphysical reality into the density of the physical plane.
In my dreams day and night I scatter seeds. Some will take root and grow into formidable trees like the grafted mango and avocado whose many flowers speak of the fruit to come. Some will falter and be absorbed back into the soil and the general fund of my imagination – too weak, too disconnected from what matters most, not tasty enough for my feast.
I’ve watched beautiful flowers wilt and I’ve butted my head against walls in frustration trying to make things happen in my life. Studying the needs of plants and my own true nature has helped me see that certain plants just don’t like the climate on the north side here in St. Thomas and that some of the dream seeds I was planting weren’t really mine and weren’t juicy enough to fill me with joy, passion, peace or contentment.
I hope you’ll join me in this most wonderful season of planning and planting your garden – in pots, tires, plots of land and in the rich soil of your imagination.
I made up a grace when my daughter was little and it seems a perfect way to send you off to the fields.
First the seed,
Then the root,
Then the flower,
Then the fruit,
May this food on which we dine
Make our little lights to shine.
For a while now I’ve been noticing that when I open my email each morning, I’ve been deleting more unread emails than I read, so I figured it was time to unsubscribe from the plethora of newsletters ( inspirational and otherwise) and alerts and promotions for all kinds of things that come tumbling into my in-box, making me look like the CEO of a thriving corporation or Miss Congeniality herself.
I have to say that I’ve been enjoying clicking on unsubscribe even as I worry that I’ll get so few emails that I’ll start feeling lonely.
Doing the same on face book is called unfriending, even though the folks I’ve been unfriending aren’t really my friends but some of the nearly 5000 people with whom I am connected through common interests, business links – friends of friends of friends of friends – and I’ve been getting quite a bit of satisfaction out of this too – especially when someone posts something I that’s not up my alley or rubs me the wrong way – I don’t hesitate to click on unfriend.
There are metamorphosis going on in my off line life too –friendships shifting, people growing closer and farther apart with the seasons – best friends and daily check-in buddies seen only now and then, people who used to be in the background moving into the foreground, not to mention new characters entirely entering the story line. Not better or worse – just different and the result both on-line and off line is that there’s more space, more breathing room, more time.
And then I remembered that it’s Spring and without even knowing it what I’ve been up to is my version of spring cleaning – shaking out the carpets, collecting dust bunnies, cleaning out the closets of last seasons clothing and cleaning out the closets of my mind and heart. In my long ago northern incarnation I’d be packing up the down coats and sweaters and boots and getting down the sun dresses, sandels, sleeveless tops and bathing suits that in their pastel colors spell lightness and freedom. Now I’m divesting myself of what I no longer wear, what no longer suits me and what is taking up space that might welcome fresh breezes, new coats of paint and room for whatever is about to reborn, resurrected, created.
What’s calling my name is a big white canvas on which Joan Miro (one of my favorite painters) used to share what mattered most to him – in childlike symbols, drawing a star, a flower, a woman, the sun, the sky – and that was it.
In the random and inspired way we free associate and our thoughts take us on a journeys, I thought of Peter Pan and that his appearance at the Darling household in London was to find someone to help him with spring cleaning in Neverland – leading to the adventure of a lifetime for Wendy, Michael and John Darling.
Though he promised to return every year afterwards he only showed up once or twice before letting a huge gap of time elapse – enough time for Wendy to grow up, get married and have a daughter of her own. But return he did, as if no time had passed, looking for help with his spring cleaning. The bittersweet truth was the Wendy was too heavy, too big, she had betrayed his commitment to never grow up and he had to take Jane, her daughter instead. Off they flew to Neverland for the annual Spring Cleaning ritual.
I think that’s what I’m really doing – remembering that there a place where dreams are born and where time is never planned. Since it’s not on any chart and I must find it in my heart, one of the best ways to unearth the treasure that lives there is toss out, delete, unfriend, allow the shifting sands of friendship to form new beaches, polish the sliding glass doors, shine the mirrors, pull out the fridges and the stoves, clean the cupboards, toss outdated, expired products and sit back on the deck watching whales pass by, delighting in the new found space and joy that is always and only found in my own spacious version of Neverland.
In this season of birth and resurrection, of new possibilities, of fertility and the hatching of eggs, the birth of bunnies and the approach of the longest and lightest days of the year – may your Spring Cleaning be thorough, inspired and vigorous and may it lead you to the treasure of your own Neverland.
Well, Valentine’s Day is here, the candy hearts are out in force and florists are enjoying one of their busiest times of year as
I am getting ready for my annual Valentine’s day ritual and once again thinking that celebrating love in all its shapes and forms shouldn’t just be reserved for Feb. 14th, but should ooze on into the rest of our days and lives 365.
Last year I had a Valentine. This year I don’t and I know that Feb. 14th can be a stressful day for people who don’t have a significant other, for those who are in relationships that are difficult and painful and for those who have lost loves and are in mourning. It’s hard to see the vendors with their tables bursting with balloons, stuffed animals and baskets and feel like you have no one special in your life.
Here is my antidote to the Valentine Day Blues whatever your relationship status. Whenever Valentine’s day rolls around, I always remember my dear friend Nancy and her request to me on Valentine’s day twelve years ago. Gravely ill and in Florida for medical treatment while her two young sons remained in St. Thomas with their father, she asked me to go to Roses Too to get a dozen roses to distribute to her kids’ teachers and the people who had been so kind to them throughout her illness.
I set out with my then 9 year old daughter. We bought not 1 but 2 dozen roses, ribbon and baby’s breath and made 24 bouquets. We spent the day delivering long stemmed roses to the people on Nancy’s list and to many other people who crossed our paths: the young sailor who needed a gift for his sweetheart, an elderly woman whose eye’s lit up as she inhaled the bloom’s sweet perfume, random strangers and unsuspecting friends. It was so much fun to see people glow in the magic of this small gesture and to have been the cause of it. We performed random acts of love throughout the day and received love each and every time we handed a flower to someone.
Last year, two dozen roses filled my car as I set out. I began with my accountant who said it was her first valentine of the day and promptly put it in a vase on her desk. Next was my favorite newspaper lady at the Frenchtown post office, the two lovely ladies who run Flagship marina, my friend Carrie at the Yacht chandlery, Nancy at the Dockside bookstore. I stopped by the family and maternal health clinic looking for my mid-wife friend. Since she was out to lunch I left a rose on her desk with a love note and I put one on my friends’ steering wheel in the Antilles parking lot. I gave one to a steel pan player who was delighted to have something to give his lady friend later and the long stemmed ladies at the bar at Secret harbor were all smiles at being handed their floral counterparts. I had a blast. I felt like the tooth fairy or should I say the rose fairy. Once again it was one of my best Valentine’s Day’s ever. I spent the day spreading the love which, romantic leading man or not, is the best way I know to ensure that I too am bathed in an abundance of love in all ways, shapes and sizes not the least of which is the smile on each person’s face, the delight, the gratitude, the pure magic.
My tradition has been to spread the love in the form of roses but roses can be pricey and it could be candy hearts, a selection from your box of chocolates (have a heart) or cupcakes, heart shaped rocks, store bought or home made cards. It could be an email blast to friends far and wide, a song. It can be face to face where you get to see the delight up close or it can be anonymous where you get to imagine the surprise. You get to make it up, inject it with your particular preferences for symbols of affection just as long as you retain the main ingredient; You spreading the love.
Love is what makes the world go round and giving is the heart opening exercise that expands our capacity for breathing Love in and breathing love out. There is nothing better than getting caught in an energy of love loop because when you give it you receive it – not always from the same source not always in exactly the way you had in mind – but the boomerang effect guarantees that the love you give is equal to the love you receive so if you, like me are a sucker for love, make a plan, catch the love boat and get on board. Make everyday a Be Mine, I love you kind of Valentine’s Day.
Everybody loves a puppy and a rainbow. Aside from being soft and cuddly and colorful, each calls us to be fully present. It’s not tomorrow’s rainbow that fills us with awe, and touching an animal (human too – put your hand on your own heart) sucks us back into the pure presence of here and now. It’s Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction at it’s best.
Since I am getting ready to begin Cultivating Mindfulness –my 12 week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Program, I’ve been shining a light on mindfulness and thinking about: what it means, how cultivating it can help reduce stress, help us be happier in mind, body and spirit and what I keep learning everyday about how different my life is when I am present to what is going on in this very moment – instead of spending my here and now time in the far reaches of my mind as it journeys pendulum-like from past to future and back again – barely brushing this precious moment as it arcs on by.
Mindfulness is about being fully aware of whatever is happening in the present moment, without filters or the lens of judgment. It can be brought to any situation and it consists of cultivating awareness of the mind and body and living in the here and now. It’s a practice that is historically rooted in ancient Buddhist meditative disciplines as well an important aspect of other spiritual traditions.
Mindfulness has expanded beyond its spiritual roots. Physicians are prescribing training in mindfulness practice to help people deal with stress, pain and illness and it’s influence can be seen on medicine, neuroscience, psychology, education and business.
Being mindful means observing, watching, examining. You are not a judge. You are a research scientist and your research subject is yourself and your environment in the present moment. When we do this we stand to gain great insight into our habitual ways of thinking which has the power to alleviate stress and suffering.
We spend a lot of time studying the latest fashions, the stock market, consumer reports, the latest diets and tv shows. We spend practically no time, anywhere in our education or our lives, studying our minds.
When I first started meditating I said, “wow my mind goes a million miles a minute when I meditate” and then I realized that it wasn’t only when I meditated. What I was seeing was my mind in action – as it is all the time. It was just that I had never taken the time to notice before.
I continue to meditate and to notice how busy my mind is. Aiming to be a dispassionate observer I allow the thoughts to move across my mind like clouds passing by. Inevitably, I get caught by a particular thought cloud and follow it for a while until I realize I’m no longer present and return to my breathing or a mantra – to this moment.
I’ve been practicing an informal mindfulness meditation when I am driving around the island. Rather than grumbling and flooding my body with stress hormones as I resist the idea that I may have to idle at one of the many construction delays for 5-10 minutes, I use the time to take in my surroundings and to check in with myself, rather than my phone.
I did a whole body scan meditation at one red light. I noticed that the pain in my knee was gone and that I was hungry. Transforming those delays into mindfulness stops makes my journeys so much more pleasant and the effect ripples outward into other areas of my life.
The wonderful thing about mindfulness, whether its an informal practice where you bring your wholehearted attention to whatever you are doing: swimming, washing dishes, playing an instrument, walking, brushing your teeth or a formal practice where you sit quietly for anywhere from a few minutes to hours, is that through doing it your relationship with your body, your family, friends and strangers, with the world and most importantly with yourself changes in profound and unexpected ways.
We miss so much of our lives because we are thinking about something else: worrying, not paying attention, wishing we were somewhere else, with someone else, were someone else. What could be more important than to wake up, smell the roses and the coffee and mine the riches of each present, precious moment.
