Little did I know it was our last dance, there in the rum shack in Spanish town. The speakers were crooning country western, “Blue Eyes crying in the Rain” and we danced outside pressing together in slo mo and I thought how much I loved and missed our sensual, easy, open enjoyment of one another.
When, a couple of days later, my romantic leading man told me the romance had gone for him a while ago, that he’d spent the past month acting ‘as if’ and had decided he did not want to be in the relationship any more, I said, “Wow”, “Knock me over with a feather.,” “When were you going to tell me?” Cut and run? Fear? Sucker punch. Better now than later. Hazel eyes crying on the boat.
If I really loved him shouldn’t I be on the floor, incapacitated for weeks??? Begging him to change his mind or plotting my revenge. Instead, I’m teary eyed with a big lump in my gut and a mind that can’t help racing over the past months reviewing life in the light of what I know now. I’m swimming in a sea of emotions ranging from powerless, hurt, angry, sad, relief, joy and back again like ocean swells.
We’d been struggling and something had to change. I was planning on going home, reclaiming one of my cottages and hoping we’d step up to the plate and do some healing together. There was a wounded, powerless, angry, sullen, hurting 8 year old in me that wanted healing. I was picturing a life that honored him and me and us. When I created a new vision board in my mind, he was a part of it, along with the boat and my house and music and love and the sea etc….
I’m disappointed he decided not to go any further with me and that I’m not in his bigger picture. He must have gone through something that he chose not to or couldn’t share or maybe he tried and I didn’t listen. All I know is he broke up with me and, rather than dying of a broken heart, I am turning it into new lease – a “Next Segment”
Dave and Annie
and I’m sprouting new feathers. A blog title came to mind: My Boyfriend Broke up with Me, So How Come I’m not Broken-Hearted?
Tears flow freely for our special connection and for the pure joy of loving and being loved. I say thank you, thank you, thank you. I am so grateful. More please.
someone sent me a joke the other day (and as ironic as it may seem was from a sailor on a boat in the pacific) Women may be able to fake orgasims but men can fake whole relationships!
I was with a sailor for 8 years. Maybe it’s just that the boat is a better mistress than a woman. They even call it a ‘she’ and the captain is always in control and ‘she’ always complies with his bidding Maybe he wanted your relationship to be like that relationship in which he could control that ‘she’ in whatever life (the sea) would throw in his path. Women are not quite as controlable or predictable as a boat. sending you love, Penny