Spiritual and secular teachers tell us not to ‘hold on too tight’ and  that attachment is at the bottom of all our suffering. We’re supposed to ‘let go and let god’, write our dreams on slips of paper and put them under our pillows, release one another to be happy and free.

Neediness is a “no no” in the quest for romantic partnership and an unattractive attribute in anyone over three.   Possessiveness and jealousy  do not bode well for loving relationships. They trail high drama, resentment and heart-ache in their wake, to a country western soundtrack.

Lately, I’m learning that the bittersweet taste of letting go leads to liberation and the exponential growth of  love.  I have  my poodles, Roxy and Ginger and Lily, my daughter, to thank for this.

I  moved onto my sweet-hearts boat with plans to sail to Grenada.  I asked for and received a  loving couple to move into my periwinkle blue cottages and take care of the dogs.  I’d stop by  to see how things were going but I wasn’t prepared for how ‘settled down’ things could get so quickly.

After making a great to do over my appearance (tail wagging and lots of licks and woofs)  Roxy, (my 12 year old baby), was sitting in my lap cuddling when my tenant walked in.  Roxy leaped out of  my lap and raced over to her – jumping up and down, wagging her tail (maybe even more than for me) and crying to be petted.  My heart contracted and my monkey mind kicked into gear. Wow, how fickle, how quickly Roxy shifted her affections. My dogs don’t love me anymore, etc…

These inner conversations gave way to gratitude once I realized that I’d gotten what I wanted: for Roxy and Ginger to be loved and cared for. Roxy was just showing me how well she was doing and how well I had done.

Giving up being the only person (aside from my daughter) who gets licked to death opened the gate of gratitude and an ocean of love and well-being flowed through many channels – not just through me.

I released Roxy and Ginger to lap up all available love  while spreading their kisses around and, as I did this, I was released to go forth and enjoy my currently dog-less state.

To lock in the” letting go learning”: I picked Lily up and drove her to her Dad’s house. She was going to bake cheese cakes with her Dad’s girlfriend.     I stuck around for a while and had a chance to see how close those two were.  Janet said that she adored Lily and cherished a relationship that  allowed them to talk for hours and hang out together at the beach.

I turned green with envy and my monkey mind went wild.  I was being supplanted and replaced…  until I realized how glad I am that Lily has Janet in her camp rooting for her and showering her with love.

Letting go of my exclusive right to  love and care for my daughter or my poodles opened  the door to another, more spacious reality.  I felt the energy of love that is everywhere and remembered that we are all channels.  The more love,  the better.

When I am afraid that there isn’t enough to go around – enough love or money or well-being, I am clingy and hold on tight because I am afraid it will be taken away or vanish.

Roxy and Ginger

When I remember that  there is an infinite quantity of love and abundance,  I celebrate, share and enjoy it all.

Now that I realize Plan B is the new Plan A , I’m more flexible and open.  I’m getting better at recognizing and embracing the shape of the emerging Plan B.  I see that it contains hidden treasures I’d never thought of.  As I Loosen my grip, it’s so much easier to maintain inner peace, curiosity and enjoy life – no matter what’s going on (and a lot’s been going on!).

Our Plan A had been to sail the yacht Bel Ami to Grenada for the rest of hurricane season.  When my sweetie had surprise open heart surgery, that plan ended up on the rocks. I’ve been sitting on the boat, watching the inscrutable sea as is it were one of those black kid’s toy eight balls where you ask a question, shake the ball and wait for the answer to float to the surface from the depths. Yes, No, Perhaps.

As the shape of plan B begins to emerge, I notice that when things are easy it feels like a green light giving me the go ahead, so I’ve started playing the Red Light Green Light game. I’m  taking my cues from the ease at which my efforts are met by the world. When I’m on the right track things go well – I’m driving on a wide avenue where the green lights are staggered and I can just keep on going if I pace it right.  If I’m not on the right track, things are difficult or downright impossible, it’s Red Light time – Stop.

I Wanted to head out west to help my guy heal so I started looking at travel sites. I  quickly found a stunningly inexpensive round trip ticket to Chicago. Green Light. The only problem was that the flight landed  at midnight. I wrote to my only friend in Chicago to see if she could pick me up – a long shot I thought, so when she called me right back to say she gets off work at 11 so yes to the pick up and place to stay and, on top of that, she can drive me to Madison the next day. Green light, Green light, jump up and down green light. As if that weren’t enough encouragement, I heard from a college friend that she’s now living in Madison and is excited that we might get to hang out. Bonus Green Light. Keep on going, pass go, collect $200 – I’m starting to have way too much fun.

The same staggered green light scenario continued as I made plans for securing the boat, Bel Ami. I found people to help me now and while we’re away. Things just felt easy each step of the way. Even as I’ve caught myself imagining red lights and obstacles, the truth is that I’ve been bowled over by the ease of the journey and very curious about how you know you’re on the right path: doors open, people call you back, tickets are cheap and its as though the red carpet is being rolled out in front of you.

I’ve now changed direction and am riding the waves, free of the undertow of negative (red light) thinking and much to my delight, green lights are illuminating the way.

When a problem arises we’re prone to reason and weigh and measure as we try to figure it out and make things happen the way we want. We run Red Lights. get frustrated and get ourselves into all kinds of trouble. We do it all the time – in situations that are small potatoes and in big stake issues. We don’t pay attention to the lights – first of all our inner lights  (our most amazing inner guidance system which is constantly offering up gut feelings, hunches and intuitions), and the outer lights – the feed-back we get from the world.

I’m playing the Red Light, Green Light Game in all my affairs, big and small and I’m suggesting that you try it out too. When you aren’t sure what to do Stop, Breathe and Check the Lights – both inner and outer.  See if they are green or red and proceed accordingly. When we quiet our inner chatter, quiet the outer voices telling what we should and shouldn’t be doing – the lights are clear signposts.

Growing up in Manhattan I often walked for miles. When I’d come to a corner and find a red light, I’d either stop and take a break or cross where the light was  green.  I wove my way, catty corner through the city to my destination, creating my own avenue of staggered green lights – which is what I am doing now every day in my life here and where ever I find myself. I’m calling it Green Living.

Wishing you a green light kind of life.  May you head in directions where doors open, red carpets are rolled out and the world is your oyster.  See you at the corner.

Sitting in the Barefoot Buddah enjoying a kale smoothie, reading some spiritual sayings and recipes for life I came across these two lines.

1. Life is about how you handle plan B
2. Happiness is an inside job.

You’ll understand better why these lines spoke to me when I share how my plans (Plan A) changed overnight and why I am still plugged into the happy channel.

The past few months have been geared toward getting ready to sail to Grenada with my romantic leading man, David, on the yacht Bel Ami. We had a 10 day charter booked at the beginning of August and planned on keeping the boat out of the hurricane belt and returning in November. I’ve been cleaning out (as you could have guessed if you’ve heard my previous shows about getting my books to fit my shelves and lightening my load).  I found a wonderful couple to live in my cottages and take care of my beloved poodles. I was prepared for take off. I even had a going away party last Sunday. My captain went to Wisconsin for a brief trip for work and family and Plan A was to shove off yesterday when he was to have returned – weather permitting.

I’ll cut to the chase and tell you what happened: I moved onto the boat and Dave left for Wisconsin. Three days into his trip he had some chest discomfort and went for a stress test. One week later, he had  coronary bypass surgery, lived to tell the tale and is now recovering in an ICU in Wisconsin (surrounded by family and friends). We are not going to Grenada. I am not leaving – except perhaps to visit him. I now live on a boat. My land home is happily occupied and my poodles are fine.  My daughter is fending for herself.

When friends ask how I am doing, I reply that I miss Dave and wish I were with him but that I feel pretty OK. I have been noticing for a while now that my default settings have changed. I seem to have reprogrammed my thoughts to reflect a more upbeat, positive, energy soothing perspective on things right off the bat. The negative, fearful tapes play, but later and on a much muted channel. Despite the sudden scary diagnosis and treatment, I know that all is well. I believe that Dave will recover and that we will go on to enjoy wonderful times together. I know that as I allow the wind to blow my boat around (me around) my plan B will come into focus. No rushing required.

I share all of this as my testimony to the fact that practicing new habits of thought and working on your body, mind and spirit produces life changing results that make life easier, more fun, deeper and more full of love.

Imagine if you knew that you could maintain/regain your balance and inner joy no matter what was going on in your life – thereby changing your life?

I am here to tell you that if I can, you can. What you focus on expands. As I focus on Dave’s well-being, the amazing timing of everything, the loving energy that has poured his way and mine – it grows, fills me up and helps Dave to heal. He is doing well. I am doing well. The fear tapes that are running in the background that are faint – trumped in a heartbeat by joy and the knowledge that happiness is always an inside job.

So whether today is a plan A Day or one where the fall backs. the improvisations and serendipity of life keep things interesting and where things don’t always work out as planned, what are you going to do?  How do you handle Plan B?

It’s as easy as clicking the remote, turning on a light or opening the curtains. Anyone can do it with instant results. It’s the Super Power of appreciation in action.

I was in the pharmacy filling a prescription and chatting with the pharmacist about my upcoming trip. She wanted to know where I was going and what I do here on St. Thomas. I told her I was Coach Paradise, a Life Coach and she said, “Oh that’s you! I listen to you on WSTA every Saturday and I love you. ” I beamed, pleased to meet one of my anonymous listeners and get such positive feed-back.

Filled with the light of appreciation, I thanked her and turned the spotlight right back at her: ” I’ve got to tell you what an amazing difference you make. You are so helpful, so warm, so friendly.” It was her turn to beam.

We were both feeling pretty good and our little lights had grown visibly more golden, catching passerby in their rays and
I was on a roll. At my next stop – I told my medical practitioner that I’d been seeing her around and meaning to tell her how great she was looking. She beamed and filled me in.

When people compliment us and point out what they like, we see it too. When we do the same for others, they stand taller as they consider the truth of the compliment. If they own it – even a little – their lights start to glow and grow and it is a wonderful thing to behold.

I’ve been on bank lines standing in front (or behind) people with sour pusses until I mention that I love their earrings. I love watching them reach up, touch the earrings and say, “oh yes, thank you my husband gave these to me.” It’s as though they’re seeing themselves for the first time, as in a mirror and they like what they see. There’s a softening.

When was the last time anyone thanked you for doing the laundry or taking out the garbage. When was the last time you told someone how grateful you are that they are a part of your life or what you love about them.

Where ever you are right now, look around, find something to appreciate and speak your appreciation out-loud (for the view, the person, the song on the radio…)

Notice how you feel. Notice how the one appreciated changes. Rinse. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat throughout the week. I’ve found that the act of appreciation opens up a loop like channel that just keeps on giving. The more I notice all there is to appreciate and take a minute to give thanks the more my life overflows with things to appreciate.

Have you ever felt like you’ve won the lottery just driving around and thinking about your life enjoying the scenery here in paradise?

Raindrops keep falling on our heads here in the Virgin Islands. Buckets of water are cleaning the world, turning the hillsides green with foliage and my walls  green with mold. The guts are raging rivers and everywhere I look,  water is making its inevitable way to the sea.

As I follow the water coming down from the hills I notice how it turns where the grade goes down and the slope is just right, how it builds up and moves around a wall or seeps under a rock.   While it doesn’t always go the way I’d have predicted, I know that  each rivulet is finding its unique route and that it’s always the one that’s easiest and most direct.  One stream merges with another or disappears into the bush only to emerge further down swollen with reinforcements, flush with the knowledge of where its going and confident that it’ll get there by any means possible.

When the bridge at Magen’s Bay washed out last year, the force of the water created a channel over the road, through the mangroves and into the Bay turning the turqouise water brown.  There was no stopping it.

Things build up in our lives.  We are flooded by to-do lists, feelings, worries and obligations.  Taking my cue from the watery lines criss-crossing our island, I’m choosing the path of least resistance and enjoying a down hill journey.  The more we honor our natural inclinations, allow ourselves to move freely and relieve undue pressure with outlets for pent-up energy (people to talk to, journaling, exercise, meditation and prayer, creative ventures, regular check-ups and check-ins), the steadier we flow.   Trapped water will find a way and our own individual natures are no different.

Whether raging, trickling, meandering or streaming steadily, make like water, relax and head for the source.  I’ll meet you there.